Let’s be real: friendships aren’t always sunshine, sleepovers, and matching bracelets. Sometimes, beneath the surface of those shared selfies and “love you bestie” texts, resentment is brewing like a witch’s potion. Yikes. But how do you know if your friend secretly resents you? Because, spoiler alert: they’re not going to send you a text saying, “Hey, just a heads-up, I totally resent you. K, bye.”
If something feels off in your friendship but you can’t put your finger on it, keep reading. Here are seven sneaky signs your friend might be low-key (or high-key) resenting you, and what you can do about it.
1. They’re Suddenly in Competition With You
One minute, you’re both laughing over iced lattes, and the next, your friend is acting like you’re rivals in a reality TV show. They copy your outfits, outdo your accomplishments, and somehow always have a better story than yours. Friendly competition? Maybe. Secret resentment? Probably.
What to Do:
Next time they try to one-up you, hype them up instead of engaging in the battle. If they’re still acting weird, have an honest convo: “Hey, I feel like we’re competing a lot lately. Is something up?”
2. They Give You Backhanded Compliments
“Omg, you’re so brave for wearing that! I could never pull that off.”
Translation: “You look ridiculous, but I’m going to pretend I’m being nice.” If their compliments come with a side of salt, resentment might be creeping in.
What to Do:
Call it out, playfully but firmly. “Haha, thanks? That kind of sounded shady though. What do you really think?” A true friend will own up to it. A fake one will gaslight you into thinking you’re overreacting.
3. They Start Canceling Plans… A LOT
Once upon a time, you two were inseparable. Now? They’re “busy” all the time, and when you do see them, they’re distracted, distant, or checking their phone like they’ve got stock investments to monitor.
What to Do:
Before you go full detective mode, just ask. “Hey, I feel like we haven’t been hanging out much. Everything good?” If they get defensive, that’s a sign something’s off.
4. They Act Super Happy When You Fail
You bomb a test, trip in front of your crush, or get rejected from that school club, and they seem… oddly thrilled? If they find too much joy in your struggles, resentment is definitely at play.
What to Do:
Trust your gut. A real friend supports you even when life sucks. If they get weirdly happy when you’re down, it’s time to reevaluate that friendship.
5. They Subtweet or Indirectly Call You Out
You open your social media and BAM, there’s a cryptic quote about “fake friends” or “some people always thinking they’re better.” No names, but let’s be real… that shade was meant for you.
What to Do:
Instead of screenshotting and sending it to your group chat for analysis, just ask. “Sooo, who’s that post about?” If they get weird and defensive, you’ve got your answer.
6. They Stop Telling You Things
You used to be their personal diary, but now you find out major updates about their life through other people. If they’re sharing less and less with you, it might be because they’re distancing themselves.
What to Do:
Be upfront. “I feel like you don’t tell me things like you used to. Did I do something?” If they shut down, they might not be ready to talk, but at least you opened the door.
7. They’re Passive-Aggressive ALL. THE. TIME.
Every little thing turns into an eye-roll, a sarcastic comment, or a heavy sigh. They’re not outright mean, but you can feel the attitude oozing from their pores.
What to Do:
Confront it head-on: “Hey, I feel like there’s some tension between us. Is there something you want to talk about?” A real friend will appreciate your honesty.
So, What Now?
If you just read this list and thought, OMG, this is literally my friend, don’t panic. Friendships go through rough patches, but good ones are worth fighting for. The key is communication, don’t assume, don’t ignore, and don’t be afraid to ask the hard questions.
But also? If someone consistently makes you feel bad, drained, or insecure, it’s okay to let them go. Real friendships lift you up, not tear you down.
Have you ever dealt with a friend who secretly resented you? Spill the tea in the comments!